August 18, 2008

The Germans are coming...

So, here I was one hour ago.  Monday night.  Last ditch effort to scour the house before guests arrive tomorrow morning.   Sweaty, hot, dripping, scurrying.

Phone rings.

310 number.

"It's a work colleague," I think to myself.  I answer.

"Hallo Susse.  Ich bins."

"Fadi?"

"Ya, wir sind hier."

"Im LA?"

"Ya."

So, here I am.  Freshly showered...but again sweaty.  The house is as clean as it's going to get. Our guests are arriving a day early in a blue shuttle bus any second. I am excited.  I am unable to dust every spot I wanted; however, in the end...when you love seeing someone...do you look around for dust bunnies?  Will you ever write down in your journal that a corner had spider webs?  Or will you remember the genuineness of the reception, the warmth, the hospitality, and the calm with which you were received?

I have never felt like the best host.  I struggle to be more easy going, flexible, and relaxed.  I am concerned with appearances and them having a good time...versus simply creating the positive experience organically.

So, the Germans are coming.  My beloved Fadi (and her friend) are arriving any moment.  I am looking at my little Buddha (atop the polished wood table) and thinking calming thoughts.  Daniel's chair creaks in the office...his last few moments of GMAT studying before the Europeans settle into his study space.  He is gracious and calm.  He always is.  I will be warm and merry and not worry about perfection.  Hosting is an art in which I would eventually like to excel.  Another chance begins any minute...

August 16, 2008

Nutella needed

Zero body fat jiggles on the rhyming Romanian marathon runner.  I think she's hungry.  I think she's strong.  I hope she wins.  I wonder if she married someone who created her tongue twister name or if her farmer parents purposely saught out such an oral assault.  Even if I hadn't affixed brownie band-aids to my hips all week, I still couldn't run a single mile at their pace, let alone 26.

Shitake mushrooms sizzle with onions on the stove.  Pasta, rescued a little late from it's boiling bath, lies oiled in the pan.  Daniel chops heirloom tomatoes and I keep adding items to our grocery list.  I am happily at home, my heart has hurt for many days, and I am thinking of my cousin.  She embraced a sorrow so profound, soothed the moist eyes and heavy hearts of a circle of mechanics, and will soon end the day that said the public goodbye.

Nutella and pumpernickel.  With glee I write these items on our Trader Joe's list.  Who would need such items?  Surely a European must be en route...yes, she is.  My beloved Fadime is coming.  Her plane will soar above the greenery of Iceland and the ice of Greenland on Monday.  Her and Anna will arrive with smiles, fatigue, and fine chocolate.  Oh, the chocolate.  Chocolate and bobby pins (for the Germans excel at the smooth bite of dark chocolate and the tight bite of strong bobby pins).  Yes, I know that it's possible the chocolate is Swiss or Belgian; however, Fadi and Germany receive the credit for bringing it to my quivering lips.

This week will bring professional and personal firsts.  I have no lesson plans, no units perfected, no handouts with clip-art ready to garner accolades...but I will need something for Monday morning.  Just like the broccoli, lemons, and corn that wither in our fridge, so was my work ignored this past week.

400 meters left for the Romanian to win gold.  The Kenyan and the Chinese muscle poles jostle for silver and bronze.  Daniel salts the salty sauce.  She will win!  The oldest winner of the Olympic marathon. 

And personally, I am about to host my dear friend, my Kurdish rabbit, for several weeks.  I have only weekend and evening slices of time to offer her, but her energy, her smile, her laugh, will lighten my spirit.

August 15, 2008

Thank Thank

As she pounded my arms and pulled my fingers, she spoke with her colleague.  Both smiled, dripping Mandarin and warm oil on my skin.  My cousin and I both had our feet steaping in wooden buckets, dim lights and electric waterfall paintings, elevator music floating from speakers mounted on the olive paste walls.  Each day is an effort to fill the hours with pampering or errands, grief lubricating any break in our agenda.  The most simple things become a reminder of the future complexity of everything.

I've tried to assess just how much I depend on Daniel.  Not for companionship and romance...but for daily tasks, a sense of normalcy.  How much has this man (after only a few years) settled into every nook and cranny of my life, with breath, smile, words, and thought?  And if our vines continue to twist and wrap up into the light and a marriage and children and a decade pass...how would I feel at my first glimpse of morning without him?  How would I find the strength to face the ominous four letters after "Marital Status" on medical paperwork?   M - S - W - D    The pen would surely, through both habit and avoidance, circle the M.  And next to "Spouse's Information," would I carve an "N/A" or simply leave it blank and pray for no further questions.

How do you keep your balance in the sympathy stream, as each successive person with their damp eyes and loving hearts, simmers your grief a little longer?  It is sheer bravery and obligation that brings a spouse to a funeral.  I want to sleep tonight without dreaming; I want to be grateful as Daniel tosses in the summer heat; I want to greet tomorrow's sunrise with gratitude.

As we all said tonight at Ava Foot Massage, "谢谢" or "xièxiè" or "thank thank."

 

August 14, 2008

Tiggers are wonderful things!

My mind is a blur, I forget the simple things.  I am strong for my cousin, for she has lost a husband, but each night as I drive away from her...I fall apart.  Friends gently remind me that I have a right to my own grief, my own sadness...but in the company of those who knew him best and loved him most, it doesn't feel justified somehow to break down.  Could I have spent more time with him?  Could I have been there more for his family while he was fighting his battle?  These questions muttle with searing pain as I drive each evening on the freeway, lanes and lights whizzing by.  The entire way home I sob, I ask the questions that everyone during the day repeats; I feel guilty, I smile with memories and then grimace with loss; I try and keep his voice alive in my mind.  Most of all, I feel sad.  I've never known a more illuminating person to have lost their light.

I found this late last night from the infamous Last Lecture by Randy Plausch, "Decide if you're Tigger or Eeyore.  I think I'm clear on where I stand on the great Tigger/Eeyore debate.  Never lose the childlike wonder.  It's just too important.  It's what drives us.  Help others."

"Childlike wonder.  Help others."  I can be better at both of these things.  I can not allow guilt for what I should have been to in any way tarnish who I can be now.  There are people and children in my life today that could use a hug, a laugh, and some frozen yogurt.  I want to bound into my life today, the gracious and healthy life that I am blessed to have.  I want to look at pictures, celebrate and relish the lives still living, tell my Grandma that I love her, be grateful for the family and friends that surround me.

Tiggers are wonderful things.

August 13, 2008

The Game of Life

August_102008_ginger_icecreamlife_gBlue and pink pegs filled my little green car.  I decided whether to pursue college or a career, got engaged, payed my taxes, and won the lottery.  This childhood game had changed...it now had a second opportunity for post-career children, investment portfolio options, selling starter homes, and retirement alleys rife with financial risk or relative calm.  I played this game with Trenton, Teighler, and Daniel on Sunday.  Their mom, Cheryl, was visiting their dad, Steve, at the hospital.  The four of us had a nice day.  We joyfully played the game of life.  We could read ahead on the spaces and knew what to predict; we understood our chances; we took risks with paper money.  At the end, the board and all of the plastic pieces were tossed into the box.   Set aside for future play.

But the real game of life has changed for these children, for Cheryl, for all of us who loved their father, Steve.  A man of incredible strength, illuminating energy, brilliant mind, and steadfast courage has died.  I have never been more humbled by someone's bravery in their last breaths or so saddened by someone's departure from my life.  I spent all day gathering moments, memories and conversations in my mind.  Trying to place them solidly in my mind for safe protection amidst the blur.  I can't imagine losing the person you love the most in the world, facing life's milestones without a father, a brother, a son, or for me a dear cousin/friend.

August 08, 2008

Bunny & the baguettes

August_72008_trip_to_crescent_bay_0This is my new neighbor, Bunny.  She just moved in a few blocks away and brought with her the lovely Ginny.  Their new home is quaint with red-stained decks and lush greenery that flourishes in the yard.  It will be great to have them close, especially as Ginny's baby enters the world this fall.

Yesterday was the epitome of a Southern California summer.  The type of Thursday that will soon be impossible until next year...a soothing morning yoga class, scrambling an egg white breakfast, scavenging for beach chairs in the scary garage, driving through thick traffic to Laguna Beach, picking up an iced-coffee, searching for a parking space....and finally, sinking my toes into the warm sand for the afternoon.

August_72008_trip_to_crescent_bay_2Crescent Bay is this year's beach of choice.  A narrow slice of smooth sand nestled between sea-bird coated cliffs, clear blue waves that gently crash upon the shore, lack of cross current that allows for swimming, and most importantly --- clean bathrooms with soap and toilet paper.  Our merry group of seventeen scattered our towels, umbrellas, and chairs and frolicked in the turquoise water for hours.  Mara's family is a solid eight people +1 (the newest addition is debuting this fall).  Emmanuelle brought her three boys.  The visiting French teens bring the count up by three...and then there's Ginny +1 and me.

How do you know when your're at the beach with French people?  Because instead August_72008_trip_to_crescent_bay_3of tearing open that bag of Dorritos or munching on a granola bar, you find yourself tearing off hunks of baguette.  All around you are children and teens happily eating plain chewy bread...not asking for toppings or scooping out just the doughy center, but enjoying their beloved cultural carb.  I reminded myself yesterday (for the millioneth time) that French should have long ago been my language of choice.  Every day I encounter opportunities to use it, strangely more than the Spanish, which envelopes Los Angeles and naturally, more than my beloved German, which is scantly heard except for the tour busses that empty in Yosemite or San Francisco.  Out of the seventeen of us at Crescent Bay, fifteen spoke French.

August_72008_trip_to_crescent_bay_4I wonder what a trip to the beach may hold for our group next year?  Daniel and I will have August_72008_trip_to_crescent_bay_5returned recently from our adventure in South America (we hope), all of our possessions still in storage, readying for our move to his MBA program of choice.  Mara and Lionel will have welcomed their seventh child into the world; Diega will be a big sister; Antonia may be traveling in Greece after graduating high school; Ginny will be toting a music loving infant...and I just hope that Emmanuelle will not forget to bring baguettes. 

August 07, 2008

Emergency Contact

85_last_day_in_washingtonflowers_00At a wooden table carved with wolves and cacti, surrounded by tacky Mexican beach paintings, a basket of chips and chunky salsa, I cried last night.  Daniel and I had enjoyed a leisurely bike ride down to the new Wednesday farmer's market in the marina.  A mellow market ripe with peaches, plums, and avocados but also oodles of prepared foods.  BBQ and berry cobbler, whole pineapples filled with smoothies, Mexican corn cobs smothered in spicy parmesan and mayo, crepes oozing nutella, and two hungry bikers inhaling deeply.  Tucked away near the smooth water and shaded eating area was Lionel.  A flask of French anise liquor recently delivered from his flock; his wife, Mara waving from the mega-van which held the energetic Emiliana and Diega, his pyramids of cookies, scones, and organic granola deepening our hunger pains.

We decided to stick to the plan and enjoy our first meal down the street at the oft-lauded Enrique's.  Ice-cold Bohemias and a thick spicy salsa woke up my palette and then a scrumptious shredded chicken and rice soup mellowed my raging hunger.  Our waiter emphatically praised the pork shank with tomatillo sauce, so we waited patiently for this house special.  Although I have turned in my vegetarian membership card of fifteen years, I still bit my lip when this hot platter descended on the table with a gigantic pig leg.  Skin glistening and tender flesh collapsing from the bones into the smooth roasted tomatillo sauce.  It was a succulent meal and one that I didn't think would end with me crying.

My fork was idling in the pool of sauce, taking that deep breath that half-consumed Mexican meals beg you to take, when Daniel mentioned his job.  We started meandering through various topics related to his current and future career and for some reason I asked him about his emergency contact.  He looked up from his forkful of Spanish rice and said simply, "You."  His eyes shifted back to his rice as if nothing monumental had occurred.  To me, it was as if the sunset blasted through the cheesy thatched roof, splashing vibrant light onto our desert scape table.  I was someone's Emergency Contact.  My full name, in Daniel's engineer scratch, scrawled on HR paperwork and squeezed in some ginormous filing cabinet under lock and key.  I felt so special and my eyes immediately filled with tears.  Daniel looked up, chewing his pork shank, and looked puzzled.  I explained that I had simply never been someone's Emergency Contact and that this meant something to me.  Tears began to gather and spill over the sides of my eyes, I wiped them quickly and just stared at him.  He smiled.

"I love our life, " said I.

"We'll have a GREAT life," said he.

And then the pork-bellied bikers rode home.

August 06, 2008

Home again, home again, jiggedy jog...

Yesterday

Clifford the Big Red Dog captivates Ewan with his naked butt (how does he always end up without pants under my watch?).  Iris, swaddled and fed, swings with half-open eyes under her fish mobile. Tomorrow morning I'll sit amidst colleagues at school planning the agenda for the new teacher training and my time with my niece and nephew will seem a distant memory.

Today

I just returned from my first work meeting of the new school year.  A pedagogical "to-do" list gathers Kiddos_490length in my mind, an empty pasta bowl and near-finished bag of pita chips lie at my side, bright yellow "welcome home" daisys burst from their vase.  Yesterday, I left the comforts of an air-conditioned home filled with three adults, two children and four animals to return to my home with Daniel.  A bright, hot, slightly disheveled home that throughout the day fills with KCRW, a gentle breeze, and often silence.  I am keenly aware right now just how quiet my home is.  Sheer golden curtains flutter in front of an open window, the wall clock steadily ticks, and the neighbor's tree rustles in the wind.

City life; albeit familiar is always an adjustment ---delivered this morning with my first traffic-filled drive up the 405 freeway.  No more picturesque sunrises that bring the velvet carpet of grass and gushing field sprinklers into light along a lightly traveled two lane road (occasionally shared with tractors).  No more salmon hued whispy clouds that dot the Kititas Valley sky as I push the stroller along a Dsc08935shady creek.  No more toddlers who ask for ticklebumps or babies whose lips smack wildly as the bottle warms.  But I am glad to be home.  Grateful this morning at 5:30 as the cell phones began their alarm duet, that I could nestle into Daniel's arms and have my first glimpse of the day be his faint stubble grin.  Energized to find the equipment and weights in all their proper places at the gym.  Enthusiastic to begin a discussion of how to best help the new teachers join our merry staff.

Dsc08907There is really no way to ever make geographical distance painless.  With all of our modern advances, I already can't remember exactly how Iris' eyebrows arch right before she smiles or recall Ewan's squeel as the horse draws near.  I'll look back on pictures, blog posts, and journal entries...but if another whole year passes between visits, a pre-schooler and walking baby will meet me.

Part of me always wishes I could pick up a map, pinch Washington and California, and simply smoosh them together...completely ignoring the boisterous protests in Northern California and Oregon.  Northwest liberals are very noisy...and I suppose it would throw off agriculture and ecosystems; however, it would mean I could run over there tonight and finish that last serving of peach cobbler hiding in the tupperware on the second shelf.  I could watch Ewan's face chortle with glee Dsc08947as Shane tickles him at the dinner table.  I could sample one more batch of my Mom's homemade ice-cream.  I could be an active participant in my brother's family and not just a visitor who comes once a year.

But one never knows where the journey will lead.  We may end up on Mercer Island or Catalina, driving to work on the 90 or the 91, living in a cramped apartment in Noe Valley or a spacious house overlooking the Columbia.  No matter where we settle, I can't fathom seeing them less than once a year.  That's my absolute max...when I start to get that ache deep in my chest and squeeze the children a little too hard at the airport.  Oh, I miss them already. 

With a tinge of sadness, I'm off to take one of those rare and relished summer naps that the school year does not permit.

August 04, 2008

Columbia is a possibility

83_and_84_trip_to_snoqualmie_and__2

I just plucked an aged Berenstain Bears book out from under my tush and grinned.  Tomorrow night I'll be snuggling Daniel under our faux-suede duvet in our monstrous bed; there will be no puzzle pieces lodged in between our pillows, no sincere requests to read Llama, Llama, Red Pajamas "just one more time," no warm babies lying on my chest and occasionally gifting me with a blue-eyed gummy smile...and I'll think back to this patchwork place that I spent so much of these past three weeks.  Thorin who suns himself in the bright corner leaving behind a carpet of dark hair; Ewan who stashes his books and plastic dinosaurs for evening play.

Before writing this post, I had just come in for a drink of water after sticking various rubber finger puppets in the copper twirly on the porch.  This doo-dad is guaranteed to deliver hours of optical illusion to any eave from which it drops.  My mother bought one for each of us at the Sunday farmer's market.  Tucked between the white tents bursting with blueberry lemonade, buffalo jerky, and donut peaches was a gnarled wood pyramid dripping with copper twirlies.  As the metal spirals spin, the object appears to splash up from the coils, when actually there is no movement.  It really is quite fun and I hope all of my future guests will enjoy the orange hued contraption once we hang it on our porch.  I will be certain to document future visitor's reactions in their varying forms of amazement.

83_and_84_trip_to_snoqualmie_and__4These past few days have been luxurious for my senses.  Warm oiled hands kneaded my doughy back at an Aveda spa (Gracias, Kathy), my mother arrived sculpting blintzes swimming in berry sauce, peach 81_and_82_fruit_stand_visit_006cobbler melting in homemade frozen yogurt, and snapper lightly resting in butter.  She has a way of placing both food and memory into the mortar and pestle to mash the two inseparably into your consciousness.  I shudder to think of others, including myself, making these dishes...pure sacrilege to fathom someone else dishing up these delights; however, I'm keenly aware these recipes were not genetically ingrained.  They came down from a quartet of influential women.  Seasonings and general culinary knack hail from Lola, Southern staples from Deanne and Bettie, and the coup d'etat ---peach cobbler from Margaret.

81_and_82_fruit_stand_visit_007_2Iris and I both watched as my mother, hopped up on iced-coffee, and maybe slightly in response to my sour-faced response to "maybe we'll wait on the cobbler," began to plunge into our 22 lb. box of Johnson Orchard peaches with vigor at 10pm.  She pealed and diced each peach, juice spilling over her hands into the pan below.  Flour, cubed butter and water danced delicately in a glass bowl until a rolling pin could nudge the crumbling strips into being.  Soon, the sugar-sprinkled buttered pastry mounted gushing peaches and the pair caramelized together in a hot oven.  Cobbler wafts began just as the ice-cream maker slowed its churn of homemade vanilla frozen yogurt.  My own twin contraption awaits my lactose intolerant fantasies when I get home to Long Beach (thanks, Sparky).  And that was just on Saturday.

Crusty sourdough plunged into bowls of vibrant carrot ginger soup; yellow beets, pears, and shaved parmesan dressed in a delicate vinaigrette; velvet spring risotto with peas and drizzled with olive oil; Tuscan chicken with goat cheese on foccacia 83_and_84_trip_to_snoqualmie_and__3found us on our mother-daughter Sunday afternoon.  We drove for several hours through valleys, in the shadows of the Manastash ridge, into the lush Cascade greenery to find Snoqualmie Falls.  A waterfall splashes 268 feet below the picturesque Salish Lodge (our dining digs are in the upper left of this photo).  Flower baskets gushed, mist from the falls dabbled the chamomile flowers clinging to the cliffs, and the sun shone with gentle radiance on a day filled with conversation.  Both our minds and mouths wound along the highway with questions and perspectives.  We discussed the beauty of sisters and female friendship (when sisters didn't come), my eventual wedding (of which we lightly plan even though "the question" still looms), my parent's divorce (an oldie-but-goody), and a passionate discussion of how Daniel and I "should absolutely NOT go to Columbia" in January (about which I could not muster up enough evidence to counter adequately).

We passed cows grazing near lakes dotted along the highway, horses galloping near dilapidated barns, and she told me of the temperature alarms and smudge pot lighting that used to wake up our neighboring orchardists in the Methow Valley.  During the spring, if the apple buds freeze, the crop is ruined, thus, back in the 70's low temperatures would set off a string of alarms.  Our family friends, the Stennes Family, would awaken, throw on some work clothes and hastily run from row to row, lighting smudge pots.  The thick black smoke and heated oil slightly warmed the air amidst the trees saving the buds and ensuring for at least one more day that the crop would survive.  I was fascinated by the romanticism of this frantic lighting.  I saw dark images of overall-clad farmers, soot on their faces, kneeling down beside the gnarled apple trunks and fanning flames they prayed would cast a warm enough embrace.  Flickering flames casting shadows on worried faces spread throughout the lush apple valley...livelihoods completely naked to Nature's lashing.

With full cameras and bellies, we drove towards home with fewer words and stopped in an old mining town that used to play Cicely, Alaska on television.  Passing time listening to gravel crunching underfoot and leathery Croatian men banter outside of Rosyln_cafe a store hawking dusty Northern Exposure memorabilia.  An enormous MarlinMarlon_brando_roslyn_2 Brando mural (from Wild One) painted on a lumber canvas and famous cafe facades and radio booth windows were captured.  My favorite Roslyn moment was looking up to watch the lanky biker cross the road, all but a denim heart around his genitals covered in worn black leather, faded boots grinding gravel, a tobacco stained beard hiding a gentle smile as he put out his cigarette in the coffee can at my feet, twisting the butt in his fingers until the filter and unburned remnants sprinkled into the sand.

83_and_84_trip_to_snoqualmie_and__5My mind spun with images and my stomach churned the cheesy memories of Shane's homemade pizza as I wriggled under the quilt last night.  My mother and I each lay with our backs facing our opposing lamps, pajamas and pillows, feet and books, all slowly settling into night.  If only Michael Landon had popped his head up the ladder, kissed my braided bonnet head, and said "Goodnight, Half-pint" I would have been certain that I had just spent the day on the prairie.

A literary question

I have two choices this September.  Choice #1: read the novel, Rule of the Bone, that is normally read to the 10th graders.  Choice #2: select my own.

If I choose to flow with the norm, then my friend Kaitie (who is out on maternity leave) will hand me eight weeks of finely-sculpted lesson plans, quizzes with answer keys, and sample essays.  Thematic questions on transformation and change will be handed over for me to simply implement.  I'll come up with some key talking points; however, the bulk of the unit will stem from her prior work.  On the other hand, if I chose to select my own narrative, I will need to develop the entire curricula myself.

Narrative units are luscious.  Dollop class discussions of life, experience, and family against a fine piece of literary canvas.  The words on the page act as a catalyst that stimulates the students to reflect on their own lives, sense of loss, and hopes for the future.  Characters who peel back layers of unspoken fears and anger often invoke students to do the same in their writing.  And in the midst of their brave journey, my own mind finds the calloused traveling feet and satiated sensory experience of an imagined vacation. 

Another consideration for this unit...it might be my last (at least of the "inner-city high school English" variety).  Potentially the final unit that I unwrap with heart-pattering anticipation like a beautiful gift on Christmas morning.  Careful not to tear the shiny paper, gently nudging the taut bow off the corners, slipping my fingers under the tape on the back, wondering if it is really a coffee maker or merely a ruse.  The box opens revealing layers upon layers of tissue paper (it's definitely not a coffee maker).  I embrace the new treasure nestled between the crinkling pastels.

This is what literature and the teaching of it means to me, hence my struggle to teach a nRule_of_the_boneovel, albeit easier, that contains quotes such as:

"I'm like, Gimme twenty bucks up front or find yourself another protege.  Plus I don't do no sex with you.  No f---ing or sucking (36)."

"He had a bunch of stolen credit cards that he used strictly for phone sex with Orientals, Dial-a-Jap he called it, his favorite recreational activity...(47)"

"Joker or Raoul or Packer would be over in the corner on his hands and knees with his pants around his ankles humping some female from behind...Roundhouse sprawled on the chair next to them jerking off...(58)"

Is it a fair fight; however, when I purposely selected the most offensive and sloppily written blather above from Rule of the Bone and lovingly coaxed out the beautiful melodies of one of my favorite novels below for the comparison?  But, just for fun, here are the slightly-melted-dark-chocolate-with-a-glass-of-sweet-muscat quotes from Arundhati Roy's God of Small Things (a novel first brought to my attention by its greatest fan, Claire)

God_of_small_things"Little events, ordinary things, smashed and reconstituted. Imbued with new meaning. Suddenly they become the bleached bones of a story (32)."

"Anything's possible in Human Nature ...Love. Madness. Hope. Infinite joy (112)."

"It is curious how sometimes the memory of death lives on for so much longer than the memory of the life that it purloined."

Now, I imagine settling my gigantic behind into the tall vinyl stool at the front of the room, I lick my lips and look out onto the sea of utterly bored faces and ask them to pick up their novels.  Several minutes pass as the students cluster themselves around the few who actually brought their novels, I finish scanning with my stink eye, I clear my throat, there is a palpable sense of anticipation, and my voice either casts these words out to the literary-starved 15 year olds,

"They all broke the rules. They all crossed into forbidden territory. They all tampered with the laws that lay down who should be loved and how. And how much (31). "

or I ignore the faint sting of vomit at the back of my throat, grateful for easy lesson plans, and say,

"The females definitely weren't skags but they weren't anything special neither.  Not babes (51)."

I realize that the debate seems pointless, the gauntlet cleanly passed before it even began; however, the quality of my personal life wrestles with my professional integrity.  First thing I must do is actually finish this bright yellow novel...all 390 pages of what I hope will turn into the novel that "is a work of can-do genius" (New York magazine).  I already know what awaits behind Roy's lily pad cover and dog-eared pages.  Page one will plop your mind immediately down into a quiet space of wonder, whilst page 101 of Rule of the Bone already has my mind slurping dredge off the sea floor.  But fair is fair and I have to at least finish it to justify my eventual decision.

 

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