Tiggers are wonderful things!

My mind is a blur, I forget the simple things.  I am strong for my cousin, for she has lost a husband, but each night as I drive away from her...I fall apart.  Friends gently remind me that I have a right to my own grief, my own sadness...but in the company of those who knew him best and loved him most, it doesn't feel justified somehow to break down.  Could I have spent more time with him?  Could I have been there more for his family while he was fighting his battle?  These questions muttle with searing pain as I drive each evening on the freeway, lanes and lights whizzing by.  The entire way home I sob, I ask the questions that everyone during the day repeats; I feel guilty, I smile with memories and then grimace with loss; I try and keep his voice alive in my mind.  Most of all, I feel sad.  I've never known a more illuminating person to have lost their light.

I found this late last night from the infamous Last Lecture by Randy Plausch, "Decide if you're Tigger or Eeyore.  I think I'm clear on where I stand on the great Tigger/Eeyore debate.  Never lose the childlike wonder.  It's just too important.  It's what drives us.  Help others."

"Childlike wonder.  Help others."  I can be better at both of these things.  I can not allow guilt for what I should have been to in any way tarnish who I can be now.  There are people and children in my life today that could use a hug, a laugh, and some frozen yogurt.  I want to bound into my life today, the gracious and healthy life that I am blessed to have.  I want to look at pictures, celebrate and relish the lives still living, tell my Grandma that I love her, be grateful for the family and friends that surround me.

Tiggers are wonderful things.