Clear quiet thoughts are such a luxury. It is exactly 9:00am on a breezy and gray Saturday. The only sounds are that of Nora's sound machine coming from the monitor, the tick of the wall clock, and the occasional paw thuds of Maxwell on the hardwood floor. I have my friends on my mind today. Claire, who celebrates her birthday today...the day the world is ending...and in two short weeks will once again be a California Girl. Courtney, who frolics with all of her siblings and their kids at their yearly cousin's camp (Noodle's soul-sister Alice is also there). Janette, who is in the midst of packing up the family on the East Coast to join us out here in the West once again.
The Friday photos were taken yesterday morning...however, a spat of fatigue, profound and cross-eyed and short-fused, was so overwhelming that I didn't have it in me to post. It is curious how much of a physical toll it starts to take on you to wake up three times in the middle of the night for 30 minute nursing sessions...and to have naps in the day so short (usually 45 min.) that you can't accomplish a household task AND squeeze in a nap before the baby wakes. People tell me all the time, "Nap when the baby naps." But they don't mention that this will mean cooking, eating, cleaning, folding laundry, picking up toys, washing dishes, mopping floors, and paying bills with a baby on your hip.
My brain was so fuzzy and my body so tired yesterday that I called my mom for help. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was lying on Nora's bedroom rug...she crawled and rocked upon my legs and gave me gummy smiles...yet I only had one wish - to nap. I couldn't muster my usual repertoire of songs and dances and twirls around the yard smelling flowers and fingering leaves. I arrived at my mom's at 4:00 - immediately handed Noodle to her smiling Grandma - climbed underneath a buttery soft floral comforter, a gentle fan blowing against my face - and slept solidly for an hour. A buttery floral hour.
Sleep is such an obsession that I swear this entire post may very well be about it. I crave it all the time. I pray for people to offer me naptime while they play with Nora. I gently remind Noodle that if she ever wants to sleep for two or three hours, that I would welcome it. I wince when other moms mention their babies nap for several hours each time. I lament that Nora no longer takes a third nap. I remind her that I would be even more jolly and spirited and musical and entertaining...if I could just get a bit more sleep.
Out of Nora's 13 waking hours per day, she sleeps about 1.5 - 2 of them...Daniel is home and helping for 30 - 60 min. of them...and that leaves her tugging on my pants, jumping holding my fingers, and squirming on my hip for 10 hours per day. (I do recognize, as always, my fortune to have these hours with her...but just saying...ten hours of interaction, engagement, education, music, talking, walking, dancing, reading, bathing, and nursing...is still a lot of time.) We have a firm resove to not expose Noodle to television or any form of media/screen entertainment for a few more years. This is a decision that we are both passionate about...yet, I know, around the 8th hour f our day that a 30 min. reprieve watching Sesame Street or Dora might be nice. It's so tempting. Only time will tell if we hold our resolve.
Clearly, my whining, falling asleep early, and wandering eye worked on Daniel last night. Because this morning at 5:30am (after nursing), I happily threw some ear plugs in my ears, put the monitor on loud near his face, and went back to sleep until 8:25am. It is a glorious feeling. To wake with the whir of the monitor, Daniel slumbering lightly next to me, the cats anxious for their morning pets...and it's just me. If I did have a nanny or mother's helper-type of babysitter -- my only goal would be to catch up on sleep.
Speaking of childcare, a few days ago I had several moms come over in the evening, after Nora was asleep, to enjoy pizza, salad and wine. One mum who works part-time commented to the two of us who are always home that is is SO SO SO much easier to go to work. You have allocated time to use your mind and skill, listen to music during the commute, a few breaks, lunch, chat with colleagues, leisurely run errands, and it's possible to finish tasks - uninterrupted and completely. I envied the two working moms. I went to bed thinking about what I could do to work a little. Not because I want to work, but because the one or two full days or even half-days away from home might feel splendid.
But that was just one night...it really circles back to sleep. If I could get more of it, I would just feel so much better.
Ah, Noodle is awake. I'll have to save this post for later...no time to add the pics. But for 49 minutes I was alone. It was lovely!
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Just put Nora down for her second nap. I took a few pictures of her sweet feet. They still rub back and forth in cricket motions, bang strongly against my arm, stretch into her fingers near my face, and dangle in the air.
Seeing her curvy feet with mine in the distance is always a delight. I swirl the cowlick at the back of her head, smooth wisps of hair behind her ears (yes, there are bonified wisps these days), and rub the silky skin between her ample brows. After she finishes her snack, we sway to "Puff the Magic Dragon." Sung lightly in breathy tones into the velvet patch above her ear. She rubs her fists into her eyes. Looks to the wall at the Indian elephant. We tell the elephant goodnight. Stroking its vibrant quilted skin, beaded ears, and bejeweled tail. Touching the small mirror stitched as an eye. Saying, "Schlaff schoen, Elefant."
Then I dollop her forehead and plump cheeks with kisses and lay her in the crib. "Schlaff schoen, Nora." Sleep well.
Favorite photos from this week. First, Friday's batch. Noodle can now pull herself up on her bookshelf (which Daniel has thankfully mounted to the wall). She steadies herself with one hand and proceeds to select various books. Then when she has one in hand, she lands (with a giant thump) on her cloth-diapered bootie.
Looking to me in anticipation of reading. It is just one of her many new talents that make her appear so grown up.
Craning her neck to see Daddy, as she hears him enter the hallway.
Trying to pet Maxwell & Sophie. They are not interested. Sophie will actually escape in about 5 seconds.
She also eats slices of fresh strawberries...all by herself.
Her diet has been gentle this week. No greenery. Only mellow veggies and fruits. And small amounts. She'll eat way too much, if we offer it. This led to painful nights and horrendous screams.
Now, she's smooth and quick with her emmisions. Making for a frightful scene in the cloth diapers...but easier on her stomach. This must be the phase that causes many a cloth-diapering parent to throw in the towel, hang up their rubber gloves, and buy cases of Pampers.
