It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it. - Zora Neal Hurston
Several months ago, a sweet little fixer-upper landed on our email update. It was affordable and right down the street from my mom. We saw it. We loved it. We signed papers, held hands and crossed fingers...and then waited and waited and waited.
The photos above tell this story:
One day the bank said the house could be ours. And after all the negotiations, inspectors, contractors, painters, electricians, plumbers, roofers...sleepless nights...washers, dryers, fridges...have all been chosen, we are ready to begin the adventure of owning our first home.
This weekend, we entered the house for the first time alone. Just the three of us. No fabulous real estate agents (thanks, Auntie Barbara) or repairmen...just us. We kissed on the porch and turned our silver key. We walked into our silent and empty home. Encouraged Nora to run down the halls, bang on the floors, and hear her voice fill her room. We opened the blinds in her room. A lush orange tree filling her window frame. We sat and sang and blinked. We feel grateful and nervous, excited and tired.
I am not sure where the hours have been going lately...but my day has also contracted due to a promise between Daniel and me. We agreed to force each other to go to bed by 9:00pm and lights out by 9:30pm. One of us usually complains, grimmaces, and begrudingly closes the book or laptop or magazine.
Nora's vibrant screams light up our mornings by 5:00am for several weeks now. She also sprinkles in some midnight music from time-to-time. This makes for sleepy and crabby parents...UNLESS, we fall asleep early.
So, does this mean Nora's sleep is wonky? Yes. Is she teething? Double yes. Is she more easily cuddled at 4:30am when I'm not exhausted? Triple-yes.
But she's a big girl, never crawling and always walking (and falling), signing words and trying to speak, eating a ton, and just wanting to be a part of the mix. In the business.
She can now use sign language to say: cat, dog, more, eat, all done, dirty, change, bye-bye, pear, banana, milk, water, cheese, blanket, please and sleep.
She loves the new house...or is it merely the fantastic echoes produced from her clapping, screaching, and stomping feet?
All is well...and now it's off to get the oil changed and make copies of our new house key!
Video Fun
And on a rainy morning, what better way to hang out then listening to "Puff the Magic Dragon" and cuddling with a soft bear?
Nora is a social butterfly. She is so excited to be around other children, especially if they are older, or have beverages, food, or toys she can grab. Last week, we visited my dear friend Janette and her munchkins. Nora frolicked with Martin and Ari...finger painting, pool splashing, eating Korean pancakes (or was that me eating all of them?).
Here is a "better late than never" weekly photo from LAST Friday. Doesn't she look ridiculously grown up? A big girl sitting up at the table, preparing to finger paint. I shake my head.
She also has enjoyed some time with the radiant Veronica. Claire's little bundle of sunshine. They had a great time playing at Tender Green's, while us parents gobbled our meals that were occuring so close to bed time. Some of the best pics of these two are here.
Veronica has a secret.
It really was funny.
Wait, let me tell you again.
Hysterical, right?
We also went to an ice-cream party at the lovely Julie's house...complete with crushed oreos, cookie dough, and caramel sauce for toppings. Here Dan and Nora talk to some of the sweeties at the party. The two sisters on the left were in love with Noodle.
She didn't quite feel the same when they wanted to hold her.
Keep creating your circle of friends, Lulu Bell. They are that special part of your family that you create, you choose...they will share your childhood, your job, your mean boss, your secrets. You don't need a gaggle of them...just a few...and you must nurture the relationships. Which reminds me, have I tried calling any of these ladies today? Some are finishing work, some are sleeping in Germany, some are closing up their coffee shops, others are picking up cakes...sending out love to you all!
Today's title applies to the scooching acrobatics that Nora is engaged in throughout the day. Her arms are the last hold outs in her quest to crawl. They remain staunchly planted as her knees flex and scoot under her hips. Her downward dog is near perfection...I'm envious of her form. A future yogini in the making.
Each morning unfurls more of Noodle's physical abilities and I have the fortune to sip in each moment ...without rushing, still in my pajamas, smiling as I sit near my rocking, stretching girl. An almond milk, flax seed, frozen banana smoothie in my hands. Max and Sophie running past. NPR news flowing into the nursery where it muddles the airstrikes of Tripoli with children's folk songs.
And at this moment, Nuggs is rolling around in her crib - after only sleeping 30 minutes. She coos and rubs her eyes and lifts her head and falls again to the mattress. I stare at the video monitor...hoping she doesn't start to cry...wishing that she would fall asleep again...if not, the morning will most likely be punctuated by one adorably fussy baby. It's this morning nap that is key. Miss it or shorten it and Nora will remind you all day long that you caused her a great offense.
I remember a few months ago writing about our typical day. It was vastly different due to an erratic sleep pattern...so, I'll describe a typical week day again (post-sleep training).
6:30am -- coos and screeches alert me that Nora is awake, a brilliant smile and panty "hello's" greet either Daniel or I, as we scoop her up
play time on blanket (while I make my smoothie), dancing, petting of Max and Sophie, read a book or two
8:00am -- nurse in glider, turn on sound machine, put her in sleep sack (*before zipping up the sack, I kiss her feet, knees, belly, hands, and forehead...she loves this), slow dance while singing a lullaby (usually "Puff the Magic Dragon"), cover her cherubim cheeks and head with kisses and place her in her crib
9:00am -- wakes up with grunts and growls and smiles
bath time, morning walk around the 'hood, sometimes a workout at bootcamp or down at the beach with other moms (yes, I am now the leader of a beach stroll & stair workout...imagine, ME leading exercise!)
11:30am -- another nap routine
1:00pm -- more grunts and growls get my attention
run some errands, meet some moms for coffee or playdates or picnics, play time, more petting of Max & Sophie
4:00pm -- another nap (this one is a struggle, she tosses and turns for 30+ minutes before sleeping for usually 30 minutes)
5:00pm -- sits in booster seat on kitchen counter, eating ice through a net, sucking on wooden spoons, watching me cook dinner...lasts for 20 minutes or so and then I half-cook and half-entertain
6:00pm -- Daniel comes home and rescues her from the culinary side-show
6:30pm -- bed time routine (*same as nap time...except whispered song is usually Patsy Cline's "Walkin' after Midnight")
^nursing sessions in quiet darkness (without interaction) occur around 9-10pm, 1-3am, 4-5am
Awe, look at my little plan above. It's gorgeous and scripted and only happens 50% of the time. Remember when I said Nora was stirring after only 30 minutes of sleeping? Well, it's now 9:15am...she is up on her hands and knees and making all sorts of grunts...her first nap is a flop. So, while the above plan looks fabulous --- it is a guarantee whenever you tell anyone your plan that your baby will demonstrate their desire to be unpredictable.
Thank you, Nora. You keep me on my toes. Just when I have you pegged, you make me think again. What made you giggle yesterday is utterly rudimentary today. The toy that sparked your interest is now old news. Luckily, my breasts remain spectacular; my embrace, comforting; and my cat sounds, amusing. Everything else is up in the air.
But, man, that plan up there sure looks good. Here's to you, baby girl, inch by inch. Even Mt. Everest is climbed one step at a time.
And a bonus video of Nora playing in the Superman band with her Ninong (Godfather) Jake. Quite the musicians, these two.
And so it began yesterday...after hours of failed attempts at soothing, nursing, bouncing, and rocking...Nora's sleep training revolution started. It was 11:00am, two hours after every previously-used technique was met with thrashing arms and legs and beautiful widely-open eyes.
I kissed her long silken lashes and told her it was nap time. She had a full tummy, fresh diaper, and an ample serving of cuddling, lullaby dancing, and sweet touches across her forehead. I walked away from her crib feeling like a gigantic pile of a$$.
For ten minutes she cooed. And then the tears started to flow. Noodle was furious. Her protests mingled faintly in with the Stevie Wonder tunes playing. I tried to not look at the video monitor but it proved impossible. I sat staring at her thrashing body...then hopped in the shower. I let the hot water flow for ten minutes...knowing that I could only let her cry for twenty minutes. And suddenly, at minute 16, the red light slipped down to green. She was silent. Her sweet head tilted to the side. She napped, I ate breakfast. I made the video below.
It was a golden half an hour.
A few hours passed...time for nap #2. Oh, what to do? I opted to proceed again with potential tears. We went through her simple nap routine, again I placed her in her crib. I started rubbing between her eyes...and she fell asleep. Not a peep. Yes, you read that correctly. Not one peep. At least not for a half an hour. Then the crying started. She protested for twenty minutes. Our limit.
We had a grand afternoon. Frolicking to nursery rhymes and children's songs at the library storytime. Noodle was mesmerized by the parachute floating high above her head, by the toddlers running around and screaming and dancing. We even applied and promptly received Nora's first library card. She checked out the following books: Oh, Daddy, All the World, Runaway Bunny, and All Kinds of Families.
Soon bedtime approached. I hemmed and hawed. Daniel stood firm. I fingered my recent addition, The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Daniel warned me not to read it. I took Nora in the room to nurse. I started reading the book. I felt like a enormous pile of a$$, a monster, cold, callous, insensitive, inhumane. Daniel assured me repeatedly that this was our chosen path, that she would benefit, that we would all benefit, that nothing works with her anymore, her sleep is so sparse, so broken, so poor. About 9 unbroken hours compared to the recommended 16-18.
We finished our bedtime routine and placed her in her crib. She cried. 12 minutes. She slept one hour. She cried 50 minutes. She slept another hour.
At 11:00pm, we stopped the training...she snuggled and nursed all night in my arms.
And this morning, we started the training again. It continues to hurt when she cries. She's crying right now. Her 10th minute.
There are certainly other approaches out there. We chose this one. Assuming that if she's sleepy and loved and nurtured and cuddled and happy throughout all waking hours that these few days of tears will be long forgotten in the long run. If she only knew how much I want to go in that room right now. Daniel sits beside me...equally forlorn. Both of us hurting and wondering what she's thinking.
Many of my dearest friends have done this with their happy babies and children and teenagers. I think of them now...as the tears pool in my eyes. The light is red. So very very red.
I had often heard that being sick as a mom was no fun...I can now confirm this fact. I sit near the soft yellow of the kitchen stove light, computer screen aglow, decaf vanilla tea at my side...eyes puffy, nose red, and throat sore. It is not a wicked cold, actually quite mild; however, with Miss Cricket Feet and her insatiable appetite, I am left with little time to sleep soundly to brush away this pestery bug. Blogging has been on my mind...but hasn't had a chance to compete with the sniffles and Noodle.
Nora has been the true beneficiary of my cooties. She must think she's won the lottery. Since Saturday, every nap is a co-sleeping affair. Nursing and transfering, yoga-ball bouncing, and any other shenanigans are long gone. It's just her, the boob, and the bed...all day and night. She looks up at me each time with pure delight and as we slip into slumber to the steady rhythm of her kicking my thighs and snapping my nursing tank-top, I swear I can hear her say, "Thanks, Mama."
Sleeptraining is on the calendar. It has been moved up to this Friday night. Something about posting it here on my blog makes it more real. Friday night at 6:30pm you can imagine us going through our pajama, sleep sack, nursing, story, song & dance ritual...then it is soft kisses on her eyelids and cheeks, gently placing her crib, a few rubs on her tummy and a "Night night, time for sleep, Schlaf schoen, We love you."
Walk out. Turn on monitor (although the books admonish this since you are going to ignore their protests). Cue crying (mine not hers). She cries. I cry more. I say some version of, "We are torturing her." Daniel (I pray) supports our mission by telling me it is for the best and immediately pours me a glass of wine. We sit together on the couch watching her on the video monitor. Counting the minutes.
Please let the count be short. I've heard an hour is typical for the first night
Everyone has to make their own way in their parenting journey. We have a noodly Noodle who kicks madly, snaps my bra, does not like ANY form of detachment from nursing all night, eats furtively every hour or two, has to be taken to the bathroom with me to avoid her crying, wakes to Daniel's alarm at the ungodly hour of 5:50am and will not take naps without me lying next to her. For my sanity and her getting more sleep than the paltry 9 or so a day (some books say she needs 16-18)...we are going to sleeptrain. I sound like I'm trying to justify it - and I am - but more to myself than any other audience. I know my mother-in-law will be horrified...it's definitely NOT the Filipino way (Daniel and his sister were in bed with their parents until long after they learned cursive). My mother will be super-supportive and already says to me that Nora is going to do splendidly well.
Speaking of my sugar plum fairy...she awoke and is breathing heavy and confused in my arms right now. My 20 minutes of blogging are over, my tea is unsipped...and me and my sidekick are heading back to bed.
It's been a few days since I was in the mood to write here. You see, Nora is not sleeping. Well, let me clarify, she's not sleeping with in any sort of frequency, length, or independence that allows me to come to my blog. I know there are millions of sleeping theories out there. I've previously written about my thoughts on the subject...but every day I go back and forth as to whether to let her "cry it out." Some baby experts are incredibly judgmental about the concept, painting the method in cruel, unnatural, and selfish strokes of their pen. These sources influence me. Their words of "breaking the bond" and "losing trust" and "insensitive to their needs" are like tiny daggers that plunge into my maternal heart.
But here's the deal. Nora is not sleeping. Oh, did I mention that already? Well, it's because SHE'S NOT SLEEPING! I love my little paprika. I inhale her scent. I kiss her chubby cheeks. I squeeze her juicy thighs. I massage her toes. I adore every square inch of my daughter...but I must say, although the statement is laced with an unwelcome tinge of guilt, that I desire a little space from her.
*This is her napping this very moment...fingers clenching the tank top...trying to avoid "the transfer."
The "attachment parenting" method is groovy. And we are attached, all the time...but sometimes like during her naps, for instance, I want to sit with her not hooked to my body, not increasing my temperature by 10 degrees, not adding 14 (or so) pounds to my lap, not impeding my ablity to talk on the phone, eat, use the bathroom, shower, or pick up around the house.
Daniel would never admit it...but I see it. I see it in his face when he comes through the door at 6:15pm. 11 hours and 45 minutes after he left.
"Why is the house such a mess and dinner not even considered? What does she do all day?"
And not because he's asked for the minute-by-minute breakdown...but here's yesterday in a nutshell.
7:00 wake up, play
8:00 fussy -- nurse
8:30 start bouncing on yoga ball, nap routine begins
9:00 transfer asleep to co-sleeper
9:05 wakes up, hold on hip while eating eggs that burned while getting her
9:15 start bouncing again
9:35 transfer asleep to co-sleeper
9:45 wakes up, as I am naked about to take a shower
9:50 change diaper, put on bathroom floor while showering quickly
10:00 fussy - nurse
bounce-transfer-wakes-fussy-nurse cycle two more times
**Because you see, I am convinced that she NEEDS to sleep. Daniel oftens says, "What about a nice walk?" But there is nothing "nice" about getting two blocks down the road and she has a complete meltdown because it's been 4 hours since she slept and I am suddenly nursing her on the curb. This I try and avoid.
Finally at 11:30am she falls asleep while nursing IN BED. I sneak out and she sleeps for 30 minutes.
Now these 30 minutes are the FIRST since the previous evening at 6:30pm when Daniel took Nora that I have had to myself. I simply sit and stare at her on the video monitor. I am too tired, too overwhelmed by the messy house and time-consuming nature of our groceries to move. I pop in some toast and get on my computer. I consider blogging...but the post title that comes to mind is too horrendous to type. Facebook sucks the remaining 25 minutes up into a vaacum.
12:00 nurse, give Nora a bath, dress her and prepare to leave for errands.
12:00-1:30 post-office, return some Christmas gifts
1:30-2:00 Nora falls alseep in the car seat, I sit in the Kohl's parking lot texting while she sleeps
2:30 home, nurse, bounce routine
FAILED transfer
3:00 climb into bed, fall asleep nursing her, we wake at 3:45
4:00 walk to Farmer's Market with new friend, Margie
6:15 walk home, Daniel holds Nora and then leaves for his meeting
7:00 nurse her, she falls asleep NOT in pajamas ***I don't care***
7:20 transfer her to bed
8:45 Daniel comes home
9:00 Nora wakes up, nurse her on couch until 10:00
10:00 Nora screeches in the bed as I brush my teeth
10:05 climb into bed, nurse Nora until she stops rubbing her feet on my thighs like a frantic cricket...or I just fall asleep
So, by my estimations--- during a 24 hour period---I had my body to myself for 30 min. in the morning and 1 hour and 40 minutes at night. Other than that, my lovely was attached to me. Either being nursed, carried, in a backpack, or lying next to me eating. This is repeated day after day. She wakes every hour or two at night...all night...every night. Bed around 7 and up at 10, 12, 1, 3, 4, 5, 7....every night. Daniel sleeps through it. I carry her to the restroom to avoid having her cries wake him.
I am tired.
I love my daughter. I also love myself. I love my ability to parent her with a clear head, a focused mind, and a rested spirit. I am feeling more foggy each day.
Some books say that it's cruel. I am not sure. Courtney told me the other day that "there are tears either way." Either she cries now at 4 months or at 4 years old. Highly unlikely that she going to just sleep by herself without some form of protest.
So, I am not sure if/when/what we are going to do about sleep training. Daniel could keep her in the bed with us for 6 more years...the next baby would be just another welcome addition. But if he had several days like the one above, where Nora, as unbelievably cute as she is, was attached to him for all but 2 hours and 10 minutes in a 24 hour period, he might feel differently.
Did you notice the picture at the beginning? Even when I cover myself up, Nora clings with vigor to my tank top. She has just now woken up. Here's her at this very minute.
Guess what she wants to do? The cricket legs are rubbing. Her hands are grasping. She's grunting.
But she's also smiling and laughing. Oh, my heart melts! I made a video below of her darling sweetness.
Is it true that I am considering letting her cry until exhaustion puts her to sleep? Yes. Because lately she doesn't sleep and I don't sleep...and that can't be a good formula for very long.
So my soul is filled with hope that the same path of Courtney, Claire, JeeYoung, Daniela and Janette might also be the road to slumber for me and my shadow.
And soon after that video was made, Noodle wanted my focus. Don't worry you won't be flashed...although it may appear close. Blogging time is over...
Nora is going through some sort of growth spurt. She eats every hour for a half an hour...so, yes, the math in that equation leaves me with 30 minutes of non-nursing every two hours the entire day. I can't say I mind it though. I woke up today to offer "service with a smile"...just like during my seven years as a waitress through college...boobin' her up as soon as she started gumming. So, after singing, jingling bells, yoga stretches, a warm bath, massage, teething toys, a walk, and reading books all lost their magic, we snuggled up for some eatin'. We snuggled A LOT. She's quite happy with this arrangement. She even got to fall asleep for two of her naps in a solid latch.
I have been struggling with the sleep training we had planned to start this weekend. I realize that with Daniel not really into the concept...and my own reservations, that it's just not the right time to begin. We'll keep Noodle snuggled between us for the time being. If/when I am too much of a zombie to function, then we'll reconsider the nighttime logistics. And who knew that this topic was just so darn controversial. One book makes you feel like a demonic parent for abandoning your scared child in a wooden prison to cry alone...another doctor writes a book about how you are abusing your child by not giving them the sleep their developing mind vitally needs. Both authors with medical degrees. Both theories "sound" logical when you're reading them.
So many people have told me to savor every moment and I am trying to do just that. I know that Nora's voice is changing, her legs are turning into chubby hamhocks and her scalp is less visible as fuzzy brown hair wisps in. The videos below are an attempt to capture just some of her normal daily goings on. Nothing special...actually quite boring. (But I always know Courtney & my mom won't roll their eyes!)
In the morning, after we finish singing our "sunshine" songs and greet Max & Sophie, we launch into some tummy-time on the mat. Working those muscles up for some crawling in the future. Nuglett is also showing off her vocal talents these days (sometimes it really hurts my ears). Rarely does she sweetly gurgle anymore. It is the land of the mega-screech.
And those gurgles which used to pour out all day are often now only heard right before she falls asleep. This video is ONLY audio...visually it is just the blanket over her face as I bounce on the yoga ball. But these sweet utterances I know I'll miss when they disappear. She won't make these sounds if she sees the camera...she goes silent and stares at the black eye; hence, the blanket screen.
Nora turned a whopping socking twelve weeks old today! Yet another photo shoot on my mom's dining room table. Two grown women hooting, hollering, dancing, wildly shaking toys. A splendid display to behold.
And soon after these pics were snapped, I placed a kiss atop Noodle's head and was out. Driving to various shops to Christmas shop. Listening to carols, standing in lines, fingering Chinese Santas. Feeling free to flit about. Just one of the thousand reasons that Daniel and I discuss staying in Long Beach, as we sit on the couch after snuggling Nuglett under the stuffed cat. My mom is a major draw to keeping us out of San Francisco or Seattle in the near future. Because lately Nora doesn't nap much. She doesn't like to be put down often. All she wants is someone who loves her to hold her - show her stuff- tell her stories - make her smile. A role my mom is more than happy to play.
The countdown continues. The arbitrary sixteen week date, per the dog-earing sleeping advice book, has been chosen for the sleep training experience. Nora's little friends, S & A, have been recently trained. They slumber for hours...alone in their cribs. My mouth waters. I know it is not without tears and stomach knots from their mothers...but I think it will be worth it. I fear the night and the crying; yet, even more so, I fear caving, pushing it back to a "better" time (that never quite comes).
My best friend, Courtney, said today that my lack of blogging lately is "unacceptable." So, here we are. I am lying in bed and typing in a bizarre contortion. Maxwell is purring across my knees, Nora is asleep on my left faucet, Sophie sleeps near my feet. Just another cuddly afternoon with my baby that never naps (or at least that's the way it feels sometimes). Wow, this morning was brutal. She has struggled for three hours to stay asleep by herself. We spent repeated hours nursing, bouncing for thirty minutes, then going into the co-sleeper ever-so-gently. Only to take a fifteen minute cat nap and wake up mad. Really mad. Frantic head-turning, red face, real tears, rubbing eyes, trilling tongue mad. Overtired type of mad.
Our cycle would then begin again.
And yet, the morning started out so peachy. Nora rose at 7:30; Daniel was running a bit late for work. This afforded us a few minutes of "family time" before missing him until 6:30 at night. Smiles and coos were in abundance.
Noodle is now an official "grabber." She reaches her long fingers out and takes hold of various objects. This is amazing! Of course, each new turn in her development is met with sheer delight...but this new ability amuses me to no end. She'll be on her back and deliberately reach towards a toy, batting it with her hands, anticipating that it will move and make crinkly sounds. She smiles at her new skill. I know it is only a matter of time before she'll reach for my face. Those satin chubby hands with fuzz and lint caught in the wrinkles reaching up for my cheek as she nurses.
It is such a thrill, a treasured opportunity, to be home with my daughter. Even on a morning in which we find ourselves attached in bed for a few hours to give her a guaranteed nap, I am still so grateful. I am staring at her face right now, her head back lit in the glow of this computer screen, her palm on my left faucet.
Sleep, little one, please sleep. And as you sleep, I will continue to fantasize and dread the day that we start some kind of sleep-training in January. It is coming, Noodle...I do think it's coming.
HOURS LATER--
After hitting "save" it is now the evening...Nugglet did eventually sleep. 3.5 hours, in fact. Affording me the chance to go Christmas shopping while my mom watched her on the monitor. Our unpredictable Owl sometimes shocks us with a power-nap of mega-porportions. I swear if she just predictably napped for 45 minutes, a few times per day, I'd be thrilled. It's the never knowing that makes the day a rollercoaster...but at least I'm at an amusement park every day!
**A video showing off her new talent! (Although I might have influenced her bit.)**
